I know I know it's been forever again..
life keeps getting in the way... It seems whenever i'm in the mood, or thinking about things kids are in the way, life is in the way or physical issues get in the way, even while writing this so far i've been interrupted 2 times.
I'm happy to say that my confidence is up I've lost 30 lbs in just over 6 months. I think pet is super excited. he's been enjoying the new me a lot more lol.
now if only we could enjoy more play time.
we did get some play time last night it was fun.. pet though seemed to not enjoy the beating as much as i had hoped.. i'm hoping that i can get him to a better spot tonight.
I think I need more practice and learn how to hit better but at the same time it's hard to get more practice. I so enjoy my pet being able to get off on the beatings and getting him in that space.
It's so hard to get play time in, and the toys we want and the clothes we want and go to the events we want.. between money and kids and real life responsibilities it makes it so hard to live the lifestyle I want.
oh not to mention the lack of good sites that are free that hook up people that are in the same categories. try finding a well hung attractive bi sexual male who wants to play with both partners.. man that's difficult or even finding a young attractive well hung male that is willing to screw in front of your sub..
or a gay or bi male that wants to screw your sub infront of you. so many many difficult issues. lol
Thursday, November 5, 2009
Wednesday, May 6, 2009
time flys
oh what to say..
it's been awhile but we haven't been completely inactive, there has been much fun on both mine and pets parts.
Just last weekend I had him clipped to the bench, and was beating him most convincingly.. until he used the safety the wuss.. I was extremely disappointed when he did so as i had gotten him to a nice cherry pink all over his ass. but I guess he needed a drink, he drinks and then came crashing down.. so not fun for me.. Of course we have an extremely jam packed weekend this weekend so chances of us getting to play are slim.. and i'm not feeling particularly motivated. pet has been rather cranky this week because i've been out more then usual. the joys i guess of busy schedules. I have things i'm commit ed to attend..I have no choice, and others that i'm committed to doing because i want to be healthier, happier and in a much better place. i've started a weight loss journey and with it comes his need to understand that I do these things not only for myself but for him. So when we are in public he can be proud to have a good looking mistress/wife whichever the situation calls for. as well as I want ot be an example to our children young as they are that hey mommy is getting healthy. I'm not fat but I could easily be if i didn't step it up.. so i'm stepping it up.
back to the topic at hand so to speak. ..
pet and I have been talking back and forth on what we want and don't want.. it's so freaking hard to come up with ideas, I'm relatively young yet and i think in many ways I just haven't made up my mind. I like so many things and so many things just seem to be out of mine or pets grasp somethings are not so much out of grasp but I'm not sure i can make them come true.
I like sex, I like oral sex, I love having sex with other men regardless of pet in the room or not, I want a real hot guy screwing me while pet watches and or participates in the limited way he is allowed. I like watching pet be screwed by another guy, and pet made to suck others off. I like not always having to be in control. which I have to be with pet most of the time, I want a bath drawn and waited on while i bath and after dried off, messaged and then eaten out and then made love too.. i want to be put on my stomach, my ass beat, my shoulders beat, arms above my head before being screwed senseless I want to be made incomprehensible and screwed till I'm passed out. ROFL. I want a steady lover other then pet. someone that has the romance that pet lacks, the dominance and strength.
in so many ways i'm a switch, I love doing what i do to pet but i love the other aspect the loving attention of a top making me feel safe and warm, before beating me lol.
I would love to find a lover and top rolled into one, I don't think that is who my current top is, my current top is great at the beating and making me submissive but to have some one that can dominate me totally whoa whole new can of worms..
I see pet wanting to do that for me and i love seeing him try but it is against his nature in so many ways. He did a fairly nice job of it a few weeks ago..
anyway I'm kind of rambling here and I'm still on the kids time.. does it ever end??
so done for now but will attempt to post more often.
ciao
it's been awhile but we haven't been completely inactive, there has been much fun on both mine and pets parts.
Just last weekend I had him clipped to the bench, and was beating him most convincingly.. until he used the safety the wuss.. I was extremely disappointed when he did so as i had gotten him to a nice cherry pink all over his ass. but I guess he needed a drink, he drinks and then came crashing down.. so not fun for me.. Of course we have an extremely jam packed weekend this weekend so chances of us getting to play are slim.. and i'm not feeling particularly motivated. pet has been rather cranky this week because i've been out more then usual. the joys i guess of busy schedules. I have things i'm commit ed to attend..I have no choice, and others that i'm committed to doing because i want to be healthier, happier and in a much better place. i've started a weight loss journey and with it comes his need to understand that I do these things not only for myself but for him. So when we are in public he can be proud to have a good looking mistress/wife whichever the situation calls for. as well as I want ot be an example to our children young as they are that hey mommy is getting healthy. I'm not fat but I could easily be if i didn't step it up.. so i'm stepping it up.
back to the topic at hand so to speak. ..
pet and I have been talking back and forth on what we want and don't want.. it's so freaking hard to come up with ideas, I'm relatively young yet and i think in many ways I just haven't made up my mind. I like so many things and so many things just seem to be out of mine or pets grasp somethings are not so much out of grasp but I'm not sure i can make them come true.
I like sex, I like oral sex, I love having sex with other men regardless of pet in the room or not, I want a real hot guy screwing me while pet watches and or participates in the limited way he is allowed. I like watching pet be screwed by another guy, and pet made to suck others off. I like not always having to be in control. which I have to be with pet most of the time, I want a bath drawn and waited on while i bath and after dried off, messaged and then eaten out and then made love too.. i want to be put on my stomach, my ass beat, my shoulders beat, arms above my head before being screwed senseless I want to be made incomprehensible and screwed till I'm passed out. ROFL. I want a steady lover other then pet. someone that has the romance that pet lacks, the dominance and strength.
in so many ways i'm a switch, I love doing what i do to pet but i love the other aspect the loving attention of a top making me feel safe and warm, before beating me lol.
I would love to find a lover and top rolled into one, I don't think that is who my current top is, my current top is great at the beating and making me submissive but to have some one that can dominate me totally whoa whole new can of worms..
I see pet wanting to do that for me and i love seeing him try but it is against his nature in so many ways. He did a fairly nice job of it a few weeks ago..
anyway I'm kind of rambling here and I'm still on the kids time.. does it ever end??
so done for now but will attempt to post more often.
ciao
Wednesday, March 18, 2009
Been awhile
I know it's been awhile.. bad me.
It's been hard thinking of what to write let alone write it.not from lack of things going on..but maybe that to much is going on. If you read pets blog it tell whats been happening. he is locked in his belt and is staying that way for 3 months. during that time if he's a bad little boy, i get to add time onto the calender. I think right now he's at 40 days. it should probably be more then that but but we have to break him in somehow so we'll probably leave it at that for now. although watch he'll read this and think he can get away with something and i'll have to double his day count. if you read his blog you know that he has been quick to temper, by his own words. he has been extreamly moody to the point i keep asking if he is grumpy because he just doesn't seem happy. Having read his blog i seem to get it but for awhile I was thinking it was because i had started my search for a lover and had brought someone home. that and I had my Sir over to play not long ago either.
Because of the way he's been acting i keep thinking I should postpone things and perhaps not take a lover, which is kind of not the issue right this moment as I cna't have sex until my gyno clears me since I had my tubes tied. looking forward to not having to worry about having another baby. 3's enough thank you. :)
of course with the surgery i am unable to lift much of anything, which required pet to do more then he would normally have to do.
I worry about pets behaviour getting more in the way of everything but at the same time I don't want him to get in his own way or what we are starting to build. we've been together 11 years but this is all still very new and i don't want it endangered. lol as funny as it is, i was always so hesitant but now i seem to be finding power and enjoyment in it all.
all for now..
kisses
Ayden
It's been hard thinking of what to write let alone write it.not from lack of things going on..but maybe that to much is going on. If you read pets blog it tell whats been happening. he is locked in his belt and is staying that way for 3 months. during that time if he's a bad little boy, i get to add time onto the calender. I think right now he's at 40 days. it should probably be more then that but but we have to break him in somehow so we'll probably leave it at that for now. although watch he'll read this and think he can get away with something and i'll have to double his day count. if you read his blog you know that he has been quick to temper, by his own words. he has been extreamly moody to the point i keep asking if he is grumpy because he just doesn't seem happy. Having read his blog i seem to get it but for awhile I was thinking it was because i had started my search for a lover and had brought someone home. that and I had my Sir over to play not long ago either.
Because of the way he's been acting i keep thinking I should postpone things and perhaps not take a lover, which is kind of not the issue right this moment as I cna't have sex until my gyno clears me since I had my tubes tied. looking forward to not having to worry about having another baby. 3's enough thank you. :)
of course with the surgery i am unable to lift much of anything, which required pet to do more then he would normally have to do.
I worry about pets behaviour getting more in the way of everything but at the same time I don't want him to get in his own way or what we are starting to build. we've been together 11 years but this is all still very new and i don't want it endangered. lol as funny as it is, i was always so hesitant but now i seem to be finding power and enjoyment in it all.
all for now..
kisses
Ayden
Monday, January 26, 2009
a new day
we didn't have a major play date last night, my lover for lack of a better term wasn't able to make it last night after all.. pity but I managed to have some fun anyway. Pet and I had a conversation over dinner. It went well, and he agrees that he needs to figure things out now that the rules have changed a little but that again mistress has proven she is right once more. Man i love it when i'm right.
A little about the last few months..
I've been exploring my sub side and enjoying it. however it did mess a little with my dom side and made a little bit of a blunder in that it took a week to get out of it the first time. now i'm not saying every Dom needs to be topped but man I do believe it does make me more well rounded in all aspects of my life. but since I haven't heard from the man who was topping me in over 3 weeks... I'm not sure we'll be playing anymore which is a pity, I really wanted some sort of relationship with him but just not sure whats up.
so forward and on word and hope we will be friends if nothing else and that he can lead me to topping pet much better, already this has happened and as i said before Pet and I were doing well until he decided to resit. I honestly think a lot of it has to do with the amount he cums or how much he has been allowed to have regular sex.. I guess we shall discover as things go on.
We have also been exploring ourselves and again i think this has done nothing but make me grow as a better wife, mother and mistress. I think all the self examination while uncomfortable has been something that i much needed and need to do more of.. I think because of the relative young age i am.. still in the 20's although not much longer there is still much i need to learn about myself and pet and that will be found by this self exploration.
anyway all for now. cheers
xoxo
A little about the last few months..
I've been exploring my sub side and enjoying it. however it did mess a little with my dom side and made a little bit of a blunder in that it took a week to get out of it the first time. now i'm not saying every Dom needs to be topped but man I do believe it does make me more well rounded in all aspects of my life. but since I haven't heard from the man who was topping me in over 3 weeks... I'm not sure we'll be playing anymore which is a pity, I really wanted some sort of relationship with him but just not sure whats up.
so forward and on word and hope we will be friends if nothing else and that he can lead me to topping pet much better, already this has happened and as i said before Pet and I were doing well until he decided to resit. I honestly think a lot of it has to do with the amount he cums or how much he has been allowed to have regular sex.. I guess we shall discover as things go on.
We have also been exploring ourselves and again i think this has done nothing but make me grow as a better wife, mother and mistress. I think all the self examination while uncomfortable has been something that i much needed and need to do more of.. I think because of the relative young age i am.. still in the 20's although not much longer there is still much i need to learn about myself and pet and that will be found by this self exploration.
anyway all for now. cheers
xoxo
Sunday, January 25, 2009
hmmm
Okay so it's been a long time since i blogged.. and in that time a lot ALOT has happened.
Pet and I had a few weeks of vanilla, then we started getting into our community a bit, I found a master and I think lost him.. not something i want to go into right now. I have really started coming into my own as a mistress or so i thought. Pet was happy, I was happy, I took a lover first time just last week second time supposed to be tonight we shall see.
But pet seems to be punishing me.. I feel like slowly i'm being knocked down peg by peg.. almost like he needs to punish me for becoming what he asked I'm feeling confused, hurt and somewhat angry..
it's been small fights all day today first this morning when I told pet to plug his ass.. a resist and finally a not happening.. I told him he won.. then later in the day I asked him to run a few errands again resistance, now i know that we don't live it 24/7 but it seems that when asked to do an errand that is easily done that he should be happy to do so. maybe it's just me but I thought he was supposed to make my life happy even when not in complete play mode. and yet major resistance and bitterness and pushing and anger.. I'm so confused as to what the heck pet wants i just want to stop it all and see what he does then.. I'm just not sure I know what he wants and how he wants it.. I gain confidence and i get knocked down.. I try to assert myself and he knocks me down or gets angry.. again I just feel punished for doing what he has asked.. and i'm not sure what to do.. because he says that yes he's going to push back and i expect that but to pull the I really don't want to do this and then expect me to push back later... i'm confused hurt and unsure now.. URGH!!!
I try, I try and I try again to figure out what the hell he wants and then i think i have it figured and have this pulled on me.. I just don't know anymore. If there are any doms or tops reading this HELP.. hell when pet reads this if he can help even better i just want it sorted out.. does he want me to top him or does he just want a vanilla life what ever just tell me.....
I'm so tired of trying to suss it out all the time.. and try to be everything he wants every moment of the day.. I'm so worn out trying to please him i'm lost in how to please myself... because i'm unsure what i need to be doing anymore.. what would make me most happy is for him to make up his mind.. tell me and then leave it in my hands.. i'd make him lick me every morning but i know he'd get pissy, i'd have him locked in his belt and stayed that way when my lover is over but that would make his pissy, i'd have him suck and be screwed by a cock while i look on and then take a lover while he watched but that would piss him off i'm sure on the wrong day... I'd bend his ass over beat him black and blue and fuck him till he screamed (all things he has indicated he wants) but i know how it would go because i've only started doing a few of these and he's punishing me now for them.... all things i want and he wants but i can't do because i live in perpetual fear.
ahh the joys of being a mistress.. all for now.. will post more soon folks.
XOXO
Pet and I had a few weeks of vanilla, then we started getting into our community a bit, I found a master and I think lost him.. not something i want to go into right now. I have really started coming into my own as a mistress or so i thought. Pet was happy, I was happy, I took a lover first time just last week second time supposed to be tonight we shall see.
But pet seems to be punishing me.. I feel like slowly i'm being knocked down peg by peg.. almost like he needs to punish me for becoming what he asked I'm feeling confused, hurt and somewhat angry..
it's been small fights all day today first this morning when I told pet to plug his ass.. a resist and finally a not happening.. I told him he won.. then later in the day I asked him to run a few errands again resistance, now i know that we don't live it 24/7 but it seems that when asked to do an errand that is easily done that he should be happy to do so. maybe it's just me but I thought he was supposed to make my life happy even when not in complete play mode. and yet major resistance and bitterness and pushing and anger.. I'm so confused as to what the heck pet wants i just want to stop it all and see what he does then.. I'm just not sure I know what he wants and how he wants it.. I gain confidence and i get knocked down.. I try to assert myself and he knocks me down or gets angry.. again I just feel punished for doing what he has asked.. and i'm not sure what to do.. because he says that yes he's going to push back and i expect that but to pull the I really don't want to do this and then expect me to push back later... i'm confused hurt and unsure now.. URGH!!!
I try, I try and I try again to figure out what the hell he wants and then i think i have it figured and have this pulled on me.. I just don't know anymore. If there are any doms or tops reading this HELP.. hell when pet reads this if he can help even better i just want it sorted out.. does he want me to top him or does he just want a vanilla life what ever just tell me.....
I'm so tired of trying to suss it out all the time.. and try to be everything he wants every moment of the day.. I'm so worn out trying to please him i'm lost in how to please myself... because i'm unsure what i need to be doing anymore.. what would make me most happy is for him to make up his mind.. tell me and then leave it in my hands.. i'd make him lick me every morning but i know he'd get pissy, i'd have him locked in his belt and stayed that way when my lover is over but that would make his pissy, i'd have him suck and be screwed by a cock while i look on and then take a lover while he watched but that would piss him off i'm sure on the wrong day... I'd bend his ass over beat him black and blue and fuck him till he screamed (all things he has indicated he wants) but i know how it would go because i've only started doing a few of these and he's punishing me now for them.... all things i want and he wants but i can't do because i live in perpetual fear.
ahh the joys of being a mistress.. all for now.. will post more soon folks.
XOXO
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