cuckholding is the life for me

it's amazing the turn around that i have been feeling lately. I cuckolded Pet truly for the first time last week. before this Pet has always been in extream proximity either in the room, or in the house. Last week I went to another mans home and had sex with someone other then my pet without him around at all. It was a liberating experience that evening I learned that I can do it, that i am diserable when he isn't around and that my pet loves me. I was worried about the reaction i would recieve when I got home as this was knew and i had had mixed emotions from him before instead he gave me hugs and kisses. Mind you the last few days have been extreamly busy and we haven't had much time to talk I think we are both good with it. I think pet is starting to think it's better to do things this way because he hasn't been interested in meeting others I do have another guy that I want to meet with this week for a play date but in his case we do have to meet here and pet doesn't seem a that willing to do so.. but without paying for a room somewhere this is the only option.

i want to keep pet in a sub frame of mind but we have run into a problem he needs to cum so he can focus on his work and other stuff. I'm unsure of how to deal with this issue I hate having him cum because he just loses the reason we have our relationship the way we do.

On to other topics.

Pet is taking off for the weekend that is our anniversary, I gave him permission for this but i'm so sad about it But i realize that he needs time away from us too. So permission has been given and I'm happy he is going to get to do something he loves to do. I think this is what he needs to get some rest and relaxation.

But at the same time it's our anniversary and we haven't done much for our anniversary the last few years and I do not want it to become just another day. We have been married a long time and I think I have the right idea by wanting to celebrate the love and life we are building, I think no I know that we should take the time to show that we are still together and have built a life and family we can be proud of.

I think i mentioned before that I received the boots D.O.G bought for me, they are all lovely but I haven't had a chance to wear them more then for a moment and haven't taken pictures of them. I do plan to do so as well as a photo shoot of some provocative posses as well as some motherly ones. I think we will try to do this tonight after our commitments for the evening are done as there are people waiting on the pictures and i want everyone to be happy.

have had one coffee date that is very promising and another tonight. looking forward to having some good sex. of course im not sure of the rules anymore... pet and i havent talkes about the rules... am i allowed to go back o guys house? what are the rules if i do? what about people here?? so not sure. i got my new boots that deeohgee bought for me they are fantastic, can't wait to get some pictures out to him. the outfit i bought is a bit small due to gaining 10 lbs need to get my butt in gear

Pet wants me to bring in income as a phone mommy, honestly i just feel silly and such while on the phone, doesn't help that i really hate talking on the phone and find it hard to know what to say especially a stranger who until that moment i have no interaction with. He sees it as a great way to earn an income and it's true I could make a lot of money that way but it just feels weird and forced the several call i have made. I do plan to try again. hopefully with some direction from someone who has done it before but we need to actually get her back into the game for that to work.

I have some other ideas that I already know i'm good at and that are fun for me as well.. of course some are hard to implement at this time due to safety and such.. selling panties is one, doming men is another, pretty sure i could make good money doing what I like to do for free :) no sex involved just tying men up, making them grovel at my feet, pegging their sorry asses while i'm fully clothed and they are feeling vulnerable and helpless... These are things i don't feel stupid while doing the thing is how to do it so everyone involved is safe and no harm comes, and the safe also means my reputation as an upstanding citizen still intact. thats what worries me about setting up an escort service type adventure the fact that I then need a license which registers me to the city which is then searchable to anyone who chooses.. *sigh* and this is something I would do not only because I enjoy it but because it would be good money.. I WANT A DUNGEON!! LOL.

As to other things pet doesn't seem to take seriously that I requested a blog awhile ago... there is a beating now as I gave him 2 days to do one and still nothing. Bad bad Pet. I also think a drink of urine is in store for him. (large and heavily concentrated I believe is in order)

The little bugger needs to understand that when mistress says she wants something accomplished it needs to be done.

I'm fairly tolerant but i think i will need to change that so that she gets her house more in order both for her sake and that of her pet. too long has he really been running the show the problem is where real life and play intercede.. I think in order for me to take control i need to take all control and i'm not sure pet wants that.. He still has a say for many things. Finances, big decisions, and such and while it's great to think about him having no say i'm ot sure it would work if he didn't We work well as a team.. well in most cases but we both are over spenders by a large amount and while it's not on me that I spend over on generally it's the kids or things like food, what I wouldn't give to be handed a few hundred and told here go by whatever you want no problem. See there is double standard in our house, He spends what he chooses generally when he chooses.. New glasses, who cares if they are over budget, New shoes yes i don't "need them" but i want them and who care about the amount, new receiver while that one he ran by me but i just kind of the did the shrug what ever you like babe, and here is where the double standard comes in.. I buy glasses I go cheapest set i like (otherwise he gets grumpy) shoes again I go cheapest and he still gets upset, buy a big ticket item on my own?? Haha never would dream of even mentioning it cause i'd get my head chopped off..

I've learned to be happy getting what i can for the cheapest i can even if the runners don't support as well as they could, or the glasses aren't brand name and neither are my clothes, I take pride that I actually make it work but sometimes it would be nice, now I've mentioned this to him before his answer, get the phone thing off the ground or when you get a job, like it will solve the problems in all honesty I don't think it would.. I think he would take it as the ability for him to spend more and me to still have to jusitfy every expenditure.... WOW I have totally gotten off the topic I was writing about you know you spend to much time thinking when....

Back on topic, I am not sure where or how it would work for us to be in a female led relationship 24/7 while i think it's a great fantasy I think in order for that to work he would need to be more slave then not and i'm not sure he is there. I would love to be able to sit back and trust that if i say do something he will but I don't trust that he will. I think in the long run he is to independent to ever give me that control despite what he may want and unless i broke him and i do mean brake him to an inch of his life, (he would leave me first) it will not happen.

so instead I think i will be happy getting him to a point where i don't have to ask twice for some items and have him carry on as my pet when we are able to... now just need to remind him that i really do relish this role think that will start tonight

Well It's been awhile but things have been busy, crazy and lets face it rather boring.

Pet and I haven't had a good session in awhile. Although this week so far we are at least doing some things. Pet has started taking interest in water sports it's not my full cup of tea but it's something I can do that he enjoys and it's somewhat fun having him deal with it.

had deeoohgee over it was a fun time he didn't like the beating that i gave him even though i didn't go hard on him. Loved having him locked in my bathroom chained, next time i will have him with the straight jacket and such make it harder for him to move.

We have been having issues with keeping up our bargains.. pet has not been doing any of what he committed to doing and i'm a little grumpy about it. I know a lot is due to pet being very busy with work and all our other commitments but still it is annoying

I feel stressed so naturally anything pet does that can take care of my stress it would be better. me sitting is great massages would be better ;)

Too much time

Time passes, I didn't even realize until now this blog was still up. i guess i need to be more cognizant.

Pet has requested i keep a blog again and so i shall.. Things are relatively good. busy but good. Pet and I are still active although i have come to the conclusion I am so not a sub. i do enjoy bottoming on occasion but i like being the top, the boss and the one putting men in their place.

Pet has asked for a run down of things he can do.. I have to ask what can he not do.. if it needs doing do it. If I look like I need a pick me up run me a bath, offer me a drink and ask to rub my feet or eat me out.. take more incentive with the three kids we have and get them ready for bed with out me requesting it. Keep loving me despite my temperamental attitude and stumbling through what you need, what i need what the kids need and making it all work.

Adore the fact that I am willing and able to give you everything you want from me, wife, mother, mistress, homemaker and lover, I try hard to do all of these things with equal passion and love sometimes i am going to fail but remember that i do them as best I can.

If I am missing the mark tell me.

I do want to beat you, Put you in bondage sit on your face while you are stuffed with a big plug, or screw you silly while you try hard to get away but these are rewards, they are earned, they will not happen every night although the sitting probably could happen more *grinz*

rules i still haven't given you a lot of guidelines so here are some for you..

if you are home and there is no company or activity for the evening you are to be diapered... if we are at home for the evening, the kids are in bed and there is no company you should be plugged and diapered.

failure to these will result in a beating where you will then have something larger then a plug shoved up and then you will be diapered for the evening.. ( one night should cure that)

You are responsible for "cleaning" me, several times a week when we are home i will call you to the bathroom to lick me after i have urinated.

when you are home after i have showered you will come up and lick me till i tell you to stop.. This is a privileged that if you haven't been good i will remove.

the mitts are to be used a minimum of three times a week. thats right pet the rest of this week you are in them rofl.. this weekend you are off but i expect you to be a good boy..

as to more on the peeing, totally willing to explore this more with you.. i got the impression you were wanting it last night but wasn't sure? you need to talk more about things you are wanting when you are wanting them especially when it's not clear.

in someways it's kind of funny because it's something i never would have done till you said you expressed an interest but not that you have i'm willing to explore.

I will endeavor to up my fluid intake and drink some sweeter drinks... i'll never do beer though hate it..but maybe there are other drinks that achieve the same???

In so many ways it seems like even after all this time i have no idea what i'm doing when i know in reality i know more then i take credit for. It seems DOG is appreciating my efforts as well as you are but at the same time i go hmmmm.... Maybe it's because You pet are not just my pet but husband but because i love you i'm finding it difficult to cross lines? Need to start trying to put those feelings aside while in play.

I find myself really wanting a few leather pieces of clothing a new coat,pants, skirt perhaps a top or two.. i keep wanting to revamp the wardrobe to reflect the new attitude but worried about what ever one would think/say.. feeling like I need a complete make over get the look to go with the attitude rofl

I also wouldn't mind a really sexy pair of Yoga pants just for you to drool while i'm walking around. of course i'm thinking the expensive lu lu lemon where they quality is good but the prices suck rofl

need to get you a litte skirt to wear around the house as well... won't you look cute with you bending over skirt riding up and your diaper peeking through i'm chuckling just thinking about it.

Been Forever

I know I know it's been forever again..

life keeps getting in the way... It seems whenever i'm in the mood, or thinking about things kids are in the way, life is in the way or physical issues get in the way, even while writing this so far i've been interrupted 2 times.

I'm happy to say that my confidence is up I've lost 30 lbs in just over 6 months. I think pet is super excited. he's been enjoying the new me a lot more lol.

now if only we could enjoy more play time.

we did get some play time last night it was fun.. pet though seemed to not enjoy the beating as much as i had hoped.. i'm hoping that i can get him to a better spot tonight.

I think I need more practice and learn how to hit better but at the same time it's hard to get more practice. I so enjoy my pet being able to get off on the beatings and getting him in that space.

It's so hard to get play time in, and the toys we want and the clothes we want and go to the events we want.. between money and kids and real life responsibilities it makes it so hard to live the lifestyle I want.

oh not to mention the lack of good sites that are free that hook up people that are in the same categories. try finding a well hung attractive bi sexual male who wants to play with both partners.. man that's difficult or even finding a young attractive well hung male that is willing to screw in front of your sub..

or a gay or bi male that wants to screw your sub infront of you. so many many difficult issues. lol

time flys

oh what to say..

it's been awhile but we haven't been completely inactive, there has been much fun on both mine and pets parts.

Just last weekend I had him clipped to the bench, and was beating him most convincingly.. until he used the safety the wuss.. I was extremely disappointed when he did so as i had gotten him to a nice cherry pink all over his ass. but I guess he needed a drink, he drinks and then came crashing down.. so not fun for me.. Of course we have an extremely jam packed weekend this weekend so chances of us getting to play are slim.. and i'm not feeling particularly motivated. pet has been rather cranky this week because i've been out more then usual. the joys i guess of busy schedules. I have things i'm commit ed to attend..I have no choice, and others that i'm committed to doing because i want to be healthier, happier and in a much better place. i've started a weight loss journey and with it comes his need to understand that I do these things not only for myself but for him. So when we are in public he can be proud to have a good looking mistress/wife whichever the situation calls for. as well as I want ot be an example to our children young as they are that hey mommy is getting healthy. I'm not fat but I could easily be if i didn't step it up.. so i'm stepping it up.

back to the topic at hand so to speak. ..

pet and I have been talking back and forth on what we want and don't want.. it's so freaking hard to come up with ideas, I'm relatively young yet and i think in many ways I just haven't made up my mind. I like so many things and so many things just seem to be out of mine or pets grasp somethings are not so much out of grasp but I'm not sure i can make them come true.
I like sex, I like oral sex, I love having sex with other men regardless of pet in the room or not, I want a real hot guy screwing me while pet watches and or participates in the limited way he is allowed. I like watching pet be screwed by another guy, and pet made to suck others off. I like not always having to be in control. which I have to be with pet most of the time, I want a bath drawn and waited on while i bath and after dried off, messaged and then eaten out and then made love too.. i want to be put on my stomach, my ass beat, my shoulders beat, arms above my head before being screwed senseless I want to be made incomprehensible and screwed till I'm passed out. ROFL. I want a steady lover other then pet. someone that has the romance that pet lacks, the dominance and strength.

in so many ways i'm a switch, I love doing what i do to pet but i love the other aspect the loving attention of a top making me feel safe and warm, before beating me lol.
I would love to find a lover and top rolled into one, I don't think that is who my current top is, my current top is great at the beating and making me submissive but to have some one that can dominate me totally whoa whole new can of worms..

I see pet wanting to do that for me and i love seeing him try but it is against his nature in so many ways. He did a fairly nice job of it a few weeks ago..

anyway I'm kind of rambling here and I'm still on the kids time.. does it ever end??
so done for now but will attempt to post more often.

ciao